Last week was the first time in a very long time that I have experienced serious anxiety about writing. Sure, I can get stressed out from time to time about the writing process, but writing isn’t something that typically worries me much anymore. For the most part, I feel I have a command of what academic writing demands from me, and I can transmute ideas from my mind into syntactically sound sentences that are organized well. I generally enjoy the composition process. Last week I was given a take home essay exam, which I thought would be easy enough. I spent countless hours mulling of each sentence deleting and adding new ones, questioning every word, re-reading again and again my note as well as articles, and in the end after finishing the questions I was still felt unease with my written responses. Writing tested me and was a painful, anxiety-laded exercise.
So, why am I bringing this up in this week’s blog? Even though, as a writing tutor, I spoke with and listen to students across academic as well as diverse linguistic and cultural backgrounds expressing similar fears and anxieties about writing, I’ve for so long forgotten what the negative emotions and feelings associated with writing can feel like fist-hand. I have taken for granted my ability to produce written texts, which I was reminded of in Local Literacies by Barton and Hamilton. My task last week reminded me writing is a process that is not detached from the person doing the act of composing, and writing apprehension can have a great impact on individuals’ perceptions of themselves, teachers, material, and the composing process. Of equal importance, I was reminded that writing apprehension is a type of anxiety that is rooted in factors such as time, writing tasks, in-class and out of class constraints, experiences, and perceptions of the writer.
Awesome video Jen - to see someone like Derrida talking about that pre-sleep panic, which I think most of us doc. students frequently experience was quite affirming : ).
ReplyDeleteI too have experienced writing anxiety even though I consider myself to be an effective writer in most situations - I think it's the notion of putting something on paper (or on-screen) for all the world to see - writing is an activity that makes people vulnerable.
I agree when you state "I was reminded that writing apprehension is a type of anxiety that is rooted in factors such as time, writing tasks, in-class and out of class constraints, experiences, and perceptions of the writer." I think the experiences part of this statement is a crucial element. Just thinking back to Ways with Words, which we read for a class this week, the cultural upbringing of students might have a big impact on how anxious they get about writing, for instance is there pressure in the culture to write "correctly" in order to succeed at school, or is writing a more organic experience with less pressure to always get it right? Obviously all the other factors will contribute as well, but how you've been brought up to value writing, I think, is also part of this.
Derrida's words brought me comfort too with his comments about the pre-sleep panic and self-doubting. I agree with you too writing makes us vulnerable and different environments invite us to participate differently. Your observation from Ways with Words is spot on! One's cultural upbringing most certainly does have an impact on perceptions of writing
ReplyDeleteI was going to leave a comment, but am having a panic attack, so I've got to unplug now!
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience last year when I was writing a take-home exam. Makes you rethink that take-home comps option, huh?
ReplyDeleteJen, like the rest, I experience writing anxiety. For me, it depends upon the audience, the discourse. For example, writing a thank you note is a joy and I can sometimes be clever. However, bring me to the doc seminar paper and my blood pressure shoots through the roof. I think that I need to give the teacher what s/he wants. They seem, in my mind, to be the sole audience and I don't know exactly what they're looking for.
ReplyDeleteLike Derrida, a lot of thoughts swirl in my brain between wake and sleep and sleep and wake-a good time to have paper and pencil on my nightstand. I don't necessarily question what I read, rather I have thoughts to add on to a piece that's already started.
Do you think that Derrida is speaking from a Psychoanalytic lens?